by Duke, PolitiPorn Int’l Bureau Chief
(Special Thanks to Persistent Illusion for Sparking this One Off)
In stark contrast to the depraved madness of our global community pockets of altruism and hope lurk in the shadows of media attention. It’s not all bad and even in this fucked up crazy world there are reasons to hope for a better tomorrow.
Positive Developments in the Global Community…
(Source: World Bank)
% change in Afghanistan measles immunization (1991-2005): +44
Mortality rate of child under five per 1,000 births in India, 2000: 94
Mortality rate of child under five per 1,000 births in India, 2004: 74
Approximate incidents of Indian mothers spared the agony of losing a child under five during this period: 130,000
Improvement in Female Literacy by Selected States (1990-2004) (%)
Sudan: 20.3
Qatar: 12.6
Rwanda: 15.8
Togo: 19.8
Uganda: 14.2
Tanzania: 11.2
Syria: 26.1
India: 11.9
Nice Stories From Around the World
According to the Canadian Press a mother of seven children, ages two through ten, threw every last one of them out of a second story window earlier this month. The Canuck chucker in question was initially assumed to have surrendered to the underlying burden of repressed hostility shared by every Canadian after many years of incessant politeness until it was noticed that she was standing inside a burning house.
The mother followed close behind the naked children and, as fate would have it, everyone survived. Judges favored the two year old a score of 9.85; provoking allegations of bribery. In defense of his perfect ten score the Norwegian judge remarked that “while the toddler had no form and just kind of screamed and flailed her arms; she was thrown from the second story of a fucking building.”
Notorious dickhead Simon Crowell is facing public humiliation after reports surfaced linking the American Idol judge (not the high one or the chubby black guy) to the repayment of the $162,000 mortgage owed by the parents of Madelaine Stoen, a three year old girl battling cancer. The parents had evidently fallen behind on their bills after their daughter’s condition forced one of them to quit their job. Crowell later redeemed himself by publically denouncing his own seemingly kind act as “atrocious and obscene” and later told a reporter that “Simon Crowell could possibly be the worst angel we have every scene.” (Paula Abdul could be seen behind Crowell swaying back and forth while gently stroking her own hair.)
The Organization of the Islamic Conference issued the most scathing attack of the Bush agenda to date by the Islamic community by stating…
“”We continue to strongly condemn all forms of extremism and dogmatism which are incompatible with Islam, a religion of moderation and peaceful coexistence…”
“We believe that it is important to plan along such lines a preparatory phase by organizing a major international gathering on Islamic-Christian dialogue that involves governments among other players…”
According to the Associated Press, Raul Casto issued a decree last week permitting the use of cell phones by Cubans. This may seem trivial, but it marks the first major policy shift by the new leader towards a liberalization of freedom for the Cuban working class. Hopefully this will be a sign of things to come.
They haven’t been able to use CELL PHONES??
Don’t dictators know that it is easier to spy on your citizens if they are all attached to an electronic device which you can track via satellite as well as easily intercept the conversations?
Well done, Raul, well done.
*applause*