PolitiPorn™

As the Democratic Primary progresses and the race for the White House trudges on, I believe a message is developing.  Good people shouldn’t run for the presidency.  Unless of course you want to be subjected to some of the slanderous tactics of the media.

I’ve thought about this in terms of “if I ran what would be my
weakness(es).”  Oh, and believe you me, my little PolitiPornsters they are many.  Let’s run them down:

1. Middle Name – Obama is catching a boatload of grief for the fact that his PARENTS gave him a most unfortunate middle name, “Hussein”.  We all know that this was the late dick-tator of Iraq’s sir name.  Some on the right just keep pounding this fact relentlessly.  Ann Coulter (or A. Hart Coulter if you will) is staking the remainder of her putrid career on this simple fact.   Here.  She can’t let go of it and chooses to refer to Obama as “B. Hussein Obama” in her articles.Now, luckily for me I have great All-American whitebread middle name and no it’s not Eugene, it’s Lewis.  Sort of a first-name, last-name thing.  It functions as both but is actually family name passed down on my father’s side.  I’m sure that were I running for president, A. Hart Coulter would posit that my middle name was an indication of allegiance to Louis Farrakhan and the Nation of Islam (NOI).  It’s a stetch, but A. Hart Coulter has been known to stretch.
2. This leads me to a little known fact about the PolitiPornster.  I have arguably given money to the NOI and thus Minister Farrakhan by association.  Can I explain, please? Well, when I lived in the DC area, I would often times pass by respectable looking African-American dudes selling newspapers and bean pies.  The bean pies were delicious and who can eat pie without having something to read to go along with it.  Thus, I’d buy a copy of the Final Call along with the delectable pie of bean. Although I’m white, I’m sure that A. Hart Coulter would have seen these purchases as my profession of allegiance with The Nation’s message of intolerance, etc.  OK, that’s just one negative I could overcome this turn it into to a positive, I’m sure of it.  So, I’ll continue.
3. Drug Use – OK, Obama has admitted to some drug use in his youth.  Interestingly, the right and A. Hart Coulter, have not made much hay over this one, yet.  It could be something as simple as the fact that A. Hart Coulter is a notorious DeadHead and merely going to one of their shows counts as drug use because the gratuitous contact buzz one gets upon entry to the venue. Good, I don’t think I need to pull this bone out my life’s closet.  Suffice it to say, “I didn’t inhale, I may have swallowed, snorted, but PolitiPornsters I never inhaled and I never injected, I hate needles.” Where are the smelling salts?
4. Guilt by Association – Oh boy, this one has played out big time over the last month or so.  You’ve got Obama’s pastor, a former client, people that held fundraisers for him and on and on.  For Clinton, you’ve got first and foremost her Husband, a couple of fundraisers, former law partners, etc.  In all of this it has become quite apparent that John McCain has no friends.
    
   My guilty associations are many and varied.  Among them are a few homosexuals (just friends mind you), an elementary school friend doing life in prison for aggrevated rape and attempted murder, a next door neighbor who founded a notorious motorcycle gang and is currently in witness protection, two in-laws that immigrated to this country from a known bastion of terrorism, an uncle who spent 6 months in jail for failure to pay federal taxes for 15 years!, two dis-barred attorneys, the angry black comedian Dave Chappelle (I’ll explain that in another post) and a patridge in a pear tree.  Oh, let’s not forget the whole bean pie thing explained above.I’m sure that A. Hart Coulter would have a field day with that laundry list of miscreants.  I really should think twice because of this one.
5. I might be an Elitist.  I really don’t know this one.  A. Hart Coulter knows elitism when she sees it because she grew up in New Canaan, Connecticutt, which has been described as the one of the most affluent  towns in the United States, where the MEDIAN household income is $175,331.  Here I grew up in Waldorf, Maryland median household income of $68,869.  You may have heard of it.  We were put on the map by the band Good Charlotte.  We also made the news when one of the band members girlfriend, the starlet Hillary Duff, called Waldorf a “Ghetto.”  I can almost hear Elvis singing in the background. OK, so my elitism score is pretty low based on hometown.  Oops, I forgot, I went to law school.Yep, one of my most prideful and regrettable accomplishments in my life was being the first in my family to go to law school.  Where did I go?  I was fortunate enough to matriculate at the Washington College of Law at The American University.  Let me put my nose high in the the air for a moment and firmly grasp my sports coat lapels, as I report that American Law is a first-tier law school according to US News & World Report.  In fact this year it’s ranked #46 (tied).  Here.  I guess this might make me snooty, but then again, A. Hart Coulter is an esteemed graduate of Cornell (undergrad) and the University of Michigan’s great law school which according to US News is #9 among all law schools in the country.  She is basicly 37 times more snooty and elitist than me.

   Let’s see what else, I drive a Honda CRV with 100K miles on it, but I wish I drove a BMW.  I enjoy one opera, Carmen.  I don’t watch American Idol, mainly because I bartended at a karaoke bar for 3 years and watching that show brings up so many bad memories.  I still get this eye twitch when I hear “What Up?” by Four Non-Blondes.  Oh, I absolutely hate this crap they call country music nowadays.  You know the overproduced, talentless dribble put out by the likes of Carrie Underwood, Toby Keith, and Kenny Chesney.  Talk about praying for deafness!  I understand that the “regular folks” are defined as enjoying all of that stuff, including FOX News & Bill O’Reilly, but alas I don’t.  So I guess I’m elitist.

After that exercise, it really makes me wonder who would want to run for president, Lord knows A. Hart Coulter, B. James O’Reilly, and R. Hudson Limbaugh, III would have a field day with my elitist, criminal associated past.  Sorry folks, but I won’t be forming a PolitiPorn exploratory committee for 2012.